


firsts

by dilkirani



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, post-the singularity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 11:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7220830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dilkirani/pseuds/dilkirani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma's last two first times, or: Jemma finally getting everything she needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	firsts

**Author's Note:**

> I actually don’t think either of these “scenes” really aligns with canon all that much, but I had an idea and I wanted to work with it! Thanks to itsavolcano for the beta!!

Jemma used to follow Fitz around instinctively, as if she couldn’t fathom why they should ever being apart. She hadn’t considered this in a romantic way, but sometimes late at night, giggling over their textbooks as exhaustion made them unproductive, she thought that she could survive happily in the world with no one but Fitz. Having a real best friend constantly at her side was so intoxicating.

And now here she is, alone on a desolate planet with only one other person for company. And it’s not Fitz. It’s never Fitz.

When she kisses Will, she’s trying to turn her brain off and just feel anything but loneliness, desperation, or unbelievable heartbreak. She needs to forget the months she spent talking to Fitz, buoyed by the thought of a date that she is now certain will never, ever happen. This distraction is the only thing she needs—maybe the only thing she will ever need. She needs to survive.

When he presses inside her, her eyes briefly open and she meets his own warm brown ones, darkened with lust. She buries her head in his shoulder and squeezes her eyes shut, attempting to follow his movements while willing herself not to feel guilty, not to be sick. She recognizes this as the moment when she well and truly gave up, and she tries not to hate herself for it.

Sex with Will becomes both a welcome diversion and a curse. On rare occasions, she manages to lose all thought. More often though, her brain is spinning faster than ever, conjuring up new scenarios, immersing herself within them so completely they’re almost true. Somehow that’s even worse.

_Fitz has just taken her to the planetarium. They’ve spent the evening talking about stars and drinking wine, and their sex is light and carefree._

_She and Fitz are arguing about their latest project. He thinks they should take it in a completely different direction and she vehemently disagrees. He sighs, rubbing his forehead and suggests they come back to it in the morning. And as fast as that, work is over and she drags him to their bunk, pushing him back on the mattress and showing him just how much she likes to win._

_Fitz surprises her with a holiday in Perthshire, and somehow he’s chosen a bed and breakfast in the same cottage she remembered from her childhood, even though she’d never told him. She wakes him up with kisses, and he’s equal parts grumpy and sweet, trying to chase her lips without opening his eyes. They make love languidly and carefully, and she tells him that she wants to stay._

Jemma has sex with Will in exactly the same position every time. Maybe he thinks English girls are prudish or maybe he’s too grateful after fourteen years on his own to care, but it’s the only way she can hide her truth from him. But for that brief, agonizing moment during their first time, she has never once opened her eyes.

++

In Bucharest, Jemma thought she’d feel nervous to finally take this step. Or perhaps urgency at their admittedly awful sense of timing. Instead, her heart is light and full of Fitz.

She rolls him over, struggling to take his shirt off without removing her lips from his because she never, ever wants to stop kissing Fitz. He smiles beneath her mouth and flips her back around, pulling her top off swiftly and only a little clumsily.

When he finally pushes himself inside of her, he fills her up so completely that she thinks maybe she’s contained an unknowable emptiness this whole time. The sensation causes her to arch her back and her eyes fly open. She studies him, sees that his eyes are closed and his forehead is scrunched in an adorable picture of concentration. It’s the focused look he sometimes gets when working on a particularly vexing problem, but this time he’s whimpering in pleasure and every piece of him is focused entirely on  _her_. It’s all so overwhelming that Fitz has stopped moving before she even realizes she’s crying.

“Jemma, Jem, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry, I should’ve—” but she wraps her arms around his neck and drags him back down to her before he can pull farther away. She holds him to her tightly, trying to quiet her sobs.

“No, I’m sorry, Fitz. It’s not your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have said we should just do this without thinking. It’s okay, it’s okay, we can take our time.”

Jemma laughs as the concern and confusion radiate off of him. “It’s not that. It’s just… I’ve imagined this, being with you, so many times. I made it seem real, before, but it never was. Now I’m… it’s overwhelming to actually be here.”

Fitz looks down at her, quirking his mouth slightly. She almost thinks he’s going to make a joke about how often she’d imagined having sex with him, but instead he places a gentle kiss on her forehead, her temple, her nose. “We’re real,” he whispers. “This is real, how I feel about you is real. Whatever you need, Jemma. Always.”

She returns his kisses softly, sweetly, and then more eagerly. She rocks against him insistently, and he holds himself above her, arms shaking slightly from the effort of keeping his body absolutely still.

“Are you sure?” he asks. “I don’t want you to feel pressured at all. We can take whatever time we need.”

“I’m sure,” she says. “This is what I want. You’re everything I wanted.”

When he turns to rest his head on her shoulder, she grabs his chin and angles his face towards her. “Look at me,” she begs, and he does, and his irises are the exact shade of blue she had craved on a planet consumed by blue. When he unravels inside her, she holds him in place, unable and unwilling to let him leave.

She doesn’t close her eyes, not even once.


End file.
